Rough day

Today I felt the a fear all too familiar to me. Too close to home. I wasnt feeling well and I went and layed down as the baby was napping. I was just falling asleep when the phone rang. My daughter came into my room and told me my sister was on the phone at work and she needed to talk to me. I took the phone, and she proceeded to tell me that my mother was there and that she needed help. She had fled her home away from her husband who has been abusing her, she was fleeing for her life. She had to leave her little dogs behind. I knew something was terribly wrong for her to leave without the dogs. I feel bad. I feel bad that all of these last months when I was so stressed out I didnt take notice that something more was wrong. I knew he was an asshole and I knew things werent good but I feel like I could of done something for her. The times I called and she couldnt talk. I felt unloved like a spoiled child. I didnt take enough notice for her feelings. The very few times I tried to invite myself over and she said not today. The times I asked her to come watch the baby and she couldnt. She had told me that she couldnt take the truck because he complained it would put too many miles on it should of been a red flag. My ex used to isolate me from everyone for months at a time. He kept tabs on the mileage when he was gone to work often taking my keys with him. I know she is a stubborn person and I know I might not have been able to help, I am pissed off. I am pissed off at the unnecessary bullshit she has had to put up with in her life. Her 60th birthday will be next month. It isnt right. I am trying not to let this upset me. I am trying to be calm about it. I was not at first. I was shaking and fumbling and trying to find phone numbers to call my other sister to come get her out of the area. I feel better that she is gone home with her. I know she feels better too. We talked over coffee while she waited for her to arrive. We talked alot, about things. She is probably in for some rough times ahead. I've missed her so much. I have missed talking to her. I am going to bed with a sad feeling in my heart. I am so glad she is safe. I know how it feels that first night, after you run. Its scary as hell, but it can also feel like relief.